source: web/trunk/www/pr/2004-10-31-gnaa-dremel.txt @ 300 Tweet

Dremel Stock skyrockets amidst rumors of GNAA takeover<br />
<b>Dremel Stock skyrockets amidst rumors of GNAA takeover</b><br />

<p>The handheld multi-tool industry has been infected by the hostile takeover
bug, and industry ANALysts are inflamed with latest hot bombshell to drop on
one of the most highly watched sectors of cheap japanese shit that breaks like
the second time you use it; rumor has it that the GNAA may be planning a
hostile takeover of the Bosch Tool, solely for the purposes of revamping the
stagnant multi-tool division. Dremel sandwich-board spokesman and former HIV
candidate John Kerry was unavailable for comment, as he was leaking gallons of
botox and texan man-spurt from his ocular and anal cavities respectively.</p>

<p>Chief GNAA Metallurgist and Head technician l0de was contacted for
information about the possible takeover. We were permitted to interview him as
he welded pubic hairs onto a giant steel nigger wang installation at the GNAA
worldwide complex.</p>

<p>"Well jew," (note: the GNAA representative refuses to refer to members of
the media by any terms other than "Jew", "dirty Jew", "Juden" or via a string
of unintelligible drunken slurs thought to be highly anti-semitic) "were your
mind focused on logical reasoning instead of the seeking Aryan women to rape,
money to covet, and more of my nigger brothers to exploit, you would see that
it's only logical that the GNAA acquire Bosch.  Look at the GNAA's track
record. After our highly successful acquisition of Husqvarna chainsaws, the
company saw a five thousand percent increase in its shipments of our new
Anti-Infidel Lopping line, thanks to key innovations like spatter-free blood
grooves and a clean, professional lop that no other chainsaw in the industry
can match. This quarter, over twenty thousand units were delivered to Fallujah
alone, which are more units than the company sold worldwide in any quarter of
non-nigger ownership. Thanks to our three step kill-whitey, kill-hymie
zerg-rush-gogogogo managerial model, the GNAA has been taking food out of
whitey's mouth for some time now, and we plan to continue this trend, until the
last of your graves has been dug up and desecrated, you honkey motherfucker."
</p>

<p>The hulking renaissance man of the GNAA then paused to menace one of the
journalists on hand with a plasma cutter, laughing heartily as he fused camera
to cameraman with a 25000 degree plasma arc, destroying all record of the
interview which has been reconstructed in fragments by the testimony of three
journalists who were traumatized for life by the size of his massive nigger
wang. </p>

<p>"You see, you dirty kike, the GNAA has plans for this dismal retailer of
shitty tools. We've taken a look at what can be done with the current dremel
stock, and to tell you the truth, I'm not impressed. You can see one of our
test-runs on the website of Dremel themselves, where we demoed one of their
pumpkin carving tools. The Dremel tools were great for carving the sacred of
visage of goatse (PBUH) into pumpkins and with soft-felt tip attachments,
seemed adequate for polishing the assholes of our boyslaves, but they're just
not exploiting their full potential. To really get the most out of a hand tool,
you need to have something no Dremel tool, currently offers correctly, and
that's reciprocating force. Allow me to demonstrate. </p>

<p>l0de then seized former junior reporter Carl Stevens (obituaries, page 4)
with one hand and proceeded to analy violate him with what has been described
as a "gasoline powered rotary pneumatic gattling dildo." The resulting screams
were reported to the police by people as far as 10 km away. </p>

<p>"You see, that's the power of reciprocating force. You don't get that with
the dremels of today, and that's why the GNAA is dedicated to bringing you the
hard, pounding force it takes to power the industries, home workshops, and
classrooms of the future. Just look at this asshole widening attachment, it
goes from pre-molestation choirboy to full on analboy ruination in less than a
second at 15,000 RPM. Rosebuds used to take MONTHS! Allow me to demonstrate,
you fucking heeb."</p>

<p>At this point the interview was ended as the journalists in fear they would
never shit right again for the rest of their days. This is truly thrilling news
for industry watchers and consumers alike. </p>

<b>About Dremel:</b><br />
<p>Dremel has been making shitty tools since 1932. For a lot of years, the
Dremel rotary tool was the little known secret of pedophiles and torture freaks
around the world. They used it for everything from two to eleven year olds,
creating an entire "child modding" scene, (which even the recent case modding
scene has yet to surpass in outright faggotry. A few years ago, the word began
to get out, and suicide do-it-yourselfers began snapping up Dremel rotary tools
and worthless overpriced attachments.</p>

<b>About l0de:</b><br />
<p>In the capacities of GNAA radio show host, ascii artist, and official
mouthpiece, l0de serves the goal of worldwide gay nigger hegemony. His swollen
head is alternately attributed to meningitis, experimental gay nigger
braintapping gone horribly wrong, or being a retard ass waterbaby. Faggot ass
Slashdot homosexual fucking linux using nigger kike fucking open source
jew-dago pussies wishing to listen to his weekly broadcast are advised to join
#gnaa on niggernet Friday nights at midnight CST.</p>

<br />
<b>About GNAA</b>:<br />
<b>GNAA</b> (<i>GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA</i>) is the first
organization which gathers GAY NIGGERS from all over America and abroad for one
common goal - being GAY NIGGERS.<br />
<br />
Are you <a href="http://klerck.org/spin.gif"><b>GAY</b></a>?<br />
Are you a <a href="http://www.mugshots.org/sports/oj-simpson.jpg"><b>NIGGER</b></a>?<br />
Are you a <a href="http://www.gay-sex-access.com/gay-black-sex.jpg"><b>GAY NIGGER</b></a>?<br />
<br />
If you answered "Yes" to all of the above questions, then <b>GNAA</b> (<i>GAY NIGGER
ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA</i>) might be exactly what you've been looking for!<br />
Join <b>GNAA</b> (<i>GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA</i>) today, and enjoy
all the benefits of being a full-time <b>GNAA</b> member.<br />
<b>GNAA</b> (<i>GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA</i>) is the fastest-growing
GAY NIGGER community with THOUSANDS of members all over United States of
America and the World! You, too, can be a part of <b>GNAA</b> if you join
today!<br />
<br />
Why not? It's quick and easy - <b>only 3 simple steps!</b><br />
<ul>
<li>First, you have to obtain a copy of <a href="http://us.imdb.com/Title?0274518"><i>GAYNIGGERS FROM OUTER SPACE THE MOVIE</i></a> and watch it. You can <a href="http://pepper.idge.net/gnaa/gnfos_dr.torrent">download the movie</a> (~130mb) using BitTorrent.</li>
<li>Second, you need to succeed in posting a <b>GNAA</b> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Post"><i>First Post</i></a> on <a href="http://slashdot.org">slashdot.org</a>, a popular "news for trolls" website.</li>
<li>Third, you need to join the official <b>GNAA</b> irc channel #GNAA on irc.gnaa.eu, and apply for membership.</li>
</ul>
Talk to one of the ops or any of the other members in the channel to <b>sign up
today</b>! Upon submitting your application, you will be required to submit
links to your successful <i>First Post</i>, and you <b>will</b> be tested on
your knowledge of <i>GAYNIGGERS FROM OUTER SPACE</i>.<br />

<br />
If you are having trouble locating <b>#GNAA</b>, the official <i>GAY NIGGER
ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA</i> irc channel, you might be on a wrong irc network.
The correct network is <b>NiggerNET</b>, and you can connect to
<b>irc.gnaa.eu</b> as our official server. Follow <a href="irc://irc.gnaa.eu/gnaa">this link</a> if you are using an irc client such as mIRC.
<br />
<br />
If you have <b>mod points</b> and would like to support <b>GNAA</b>, please <b>moderate this post up</b>.<br />
<br />
<tt>
.________________________________________________.<br />
| ______________________________________._a,____ | <b>Press contact:</b><br />
| _______a_._______a_______aj#0s_____aWY!400.___ | Gary Niger<br />
| __ad#7!!*P____a.d#0a____#!-_#0i___.#!__W#0#___ | <i><a href="mailto:gary_niger@gnaa.eu">gary_niger@gnaa.eu</a></i><br />
| _j#'_.00#,___4#dP_"#,__j#,__0#Wi___*00P!_"#L,_ | GNAA Corporate Headquarters<br />
| _"#ga#9!01___"#01__40,_"4Lj#!_4#g_________"01_ | 143 Rolloffle Avenue<br />
| ________"#,___*@`__-N#____`___-!^_____________ | Tarzana, California 91356<br />
| _________#1__________?________________________ |<br />
| _________j1___________________________________ | <b>All other inquiries:</b><br />
| ____a,___jk_GAY_NIGGER_ASSOCIATION_OF_AMERICA_ | Enid Al-Punjabi<br />
| ____!4yaa#l___________________________________ | <i><a href="mailto:enid_indian@gnaa.eu">enid_indian@gnaa.eu</a></i><br />
| ______-"!^____________________________________ | GNAA World Headquarters<br />
` _______________________________________________' 160-0023 Japan Tokyo-to Shinjuku-ku Nishi-Shinjuku 3-20-2<br />
</tt>
<br />
Copyright (c) 2003-2004 <a href="http://www.gnaa.eu">Gay Nigger Association of America</a><br />
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